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New York county clerks prepare for same-sex marriage
One week from today.
From Auburn Pub.com:
With same-sex marriage set to become legal in New York a week from today, city and town clerks in Cayuga County are preparing for the changes that come with the new law.
The Marriage Equality Act was passed by the state Legislature and signed into law by Gov. Andrew Cuomo June 24. And with the law going into effect 30 days from that historic vote, the state Department of Health has been holding training sessions with clerks from around the state to outline the changes and review the new marriage license form.
Local city and town clerks have participated in these sessions. Sterling Town Clerk Lisa Cooper said the sessions were informative and provided an overview of the new forms.
The main goal of the changes is making the marriage license form gender neutral, according to state Department of Health spokesman Jeffrey Gordon. Instead of “bride” and “groom” titles on the form, the new marriage license form will say “bride/groom/spouse.” It also changes the “mother” and “father” titles on the form to “mother or parent” and “father or parent.”
Gordon said the training sessions with clerks discuss the amendments to the state’s Domestic Relations Law, when the new law takes effect, the waiting period for marriages and other aspects of the new law. Although the law goes into effect July 24, there is a 24-hour waiting period for all marriages in New York, so the earliest same-sex couples could have a marriage officially recognized is Monday, July 25. Couples could have the waiting period waived by a Supreme Court justice or a county court judge where one of the parties resides, according to the state Department of Health website.]]> -
Kjoy's Life in the Sr Lane: When babies had four legs
Kimberley “Kjoy” Ferren
It used to mean when you said in the lgbt community “I just love my baby,” you meant your cute, beautiful dog or cat. Children were of the four-legged kind, sometimes two-legged (birds and monkeys), and some even went to the exotic like reptiles and snakes. Whatever the non-human species was we loved them as if they were our children. Family for us has always come in all shapes, sizes and species.
Our loved ones, our pride-n-joys, have been special, BUT they pooped outside and drank and ate from bowls on the floor, though sometimes they had fancy houses or beds of their own. And even though we knew we’d have a wonderful time together as a family, outside of obedience school and vet bills there was never the need to set aside funds for a college education, bar mitzvah, quinceaneras, or wedding.
I have never been picky about who came to be part of my families. And although I’ve always been a sucker for the mutts, I did have one pure bred babe, Westie the West highland terrier. I got him in a pet store. I didn’t know what a puppy mills back then. For years now I’ve made up for this by fundraising for the SPCA and Human Society, so chill! All-in-all, I’ve love(d) each of them, but didn’t believe (nor could I afford), to over-the-top pamper them. No, they all lived good, solid suburban lives.
FACT: Life in our community up until the mid-1980’s was centered on our pets (and the occasional children from straight encounters). But that has changed now. Instead of pets from shelters, or kittens found under the house, or bought from reputable breeders, now suddenly actual “children” are constantly bursting forth from the loins of lesbians, turkey-bastered by gay-boys, or incubated in surrogates, or others adopted. The trend has turned from our “four-footed-friends” as our kids, to walking on a leash beside babies in four-wheeled strollers! This has not only changed what “family” means to lgbt’ers, but more animals now left in shelters (kidding!), AND also how we as a community spend our leisure time. It has changed our social paradigm.
A few years ago, Corinne and I went to the West Hollywood Pride Festival. In years past, we’d met up with our friends at a bar or on the grassy median. Once we’d all set-up our chairs for the parade, we’d rotate into the bar and drink, laughing loudly. Those who were single flirted with the lovelies, danced, then we’d pop out from time-to-time to see the parade-and womyn. THAT YEAR, 2009, was different. Instead of finding a group of wild womyn, we found those who we used to party with cooing at babies and toddlers, pushing four-wheeled strollers, and sitting on blankets without sports team logos on them, but Pooh Bear. The area was strewn with baby bags, formula bottles, and changing care supplies, and everyone was drinking (un-spiked) juice packets! And even more importantly, there WAS NOT ONE FOUR-LEGGED ANIMAL IN SITE! No. They no longer were the alpha love magnets, the “baby”, they were at home, relegated to the yard for disturbing the real baby. As we stood there trying to look interested, what knocked me in the gut was that, I sincerely felt the “breeders” we had all teased and protested against due to their hate of our lifestyles were now living amongst my lgbt’ers. Having children had successfully infiltrated the lgbt world and turned Santa Monica Boulevard into Sesame Street! At that moment amidst baby wipes all I could see was images of their mothers screaming in a birthing video. This wasn’t a child’s sandbox, but an adult’s playground day. I couldn’t see what our friends saw, so needless to say, after we kissed our friends and patted the babies on the head, we high-tailed it to the bar, then later the festival and had a great time. All our friends left early for nappy time. Today, although I still believe that we’ve assimilated a little too much sometimes, the truth is that this whole procreating thing has become another progression of the lgbt lifestyle. Like it or not, lesbians and surrogates having babies are here to stay. So for today Corinne and I absolutely IN-LOVE with our four-legged BABIES and are fully satisfied with filling their water bowls and buying them squeaky toys and treats, all the while signing petitions to allow ALL lgbt’ers the right to have the family of their choice. And being that we are SR’s, truthfully, taking the pups for walks is all we can handle most days!]]> -
Flying Solo: Charleston, SC
A Travelogue with Rick Rose It’s called Charles Towne (original name from 1670), the Holy City (because of all the churches there) and Antebellum Heaven (with all its painted lady architecture), and it’s known as a visitor’s mecca for those who love southern heat and hospitality. Charleston, SC is where I enjoyed an amazing July 4th with two dear friends from one of my former lives. I met Cindy and Randy when they opened a coffee house near Hannibal, MO some years ago, moving to that area from Alaska. On a cold winter morning at 6am, something both they and I are familiar with (being Wisconsin-bred), I met the duo as one of their first customers. I was en route to Studio H at WGEM where I co-hosted a two-hour morning show. They became quick friends and remain so after they eventually moved on to Charleston about the time I headed to a new home in Shreveport. They bring out the best in me: smiles, laughs, hopes, dreams, risk-taking and adventure. Having celebrated our independence on the day of our country’s, I encourage you to check out the things I discovered in this port city, anytime of year. Here are my top 10 sites to visit which were hand selected from the 25 Cindy and Randy shared with me! Charleston City Market – Open 365 days a year, it is full of great things to see and to buy. Visitors and locals mingle around Market Hall which stands facing Meeting Street as the main entrance to four blocks of open-air buildings where you will meet vendors selling paintings, pottery, spices, jewelry and Charleston’s famous sweetgrass baskets. Surrounding the Market are avenues of casual and fine dining restaurants and taverns! U. S. Customs House – A great representation of the history and architecture of this great city, you will want to take a lot of pictures of this building and its detail. It stands as a landmark in the beautiful Charleston Historic District. Its construction, which began in 1853, was halted six years later because of the costs and possibility of the state’s secession from the Union. After the War of the Statess, building restarted in 1870 for nine years until its completion. It has been on the National Register of Historical Places since 1974. You can casually stroll the streets of downtown where the Customs House lives or take an informational horse and carriage historic tour.
Bike Rentals at Vendue Inn – Another great way to get around the city, rent a bike. We did right at Venue Inn, one of the city’s many historic inns…and we rode all the way to the Battery at the tip of Charleston, another picture-perfect setting! In Charleston Harbor, you will be fascinated by everything from simple sailboats to huge barges, all part of the rich maritime history here. I strongly suggest at least a one-night stay at the Vendue. It’s southern hospitality at its best. Waterfront Park – A wonderful place to stroll and sip coffee as we did. Tried as we might, we were not able to find a coffee that beat the kind Randy and Cindy served back home. I mean have you ever heard of air-roasted Alaskan coffee? I hadn’t until I met this dynamic duo. Calhoun Mansion – One of hundreds of incredible historic residences, this Mansion is located at 16 Meeting Street. It is one of dozens that can be toured. After viewing its internal splendor and incredible grounds, we enjoyed walking up and down Meeting Street and the streets that ran parallel and perpendicular to it. Wherever you go, you will be amazed by the wonderful styles and colors represented in these buildings. You may even get the bug to buy one as many are for sale! Philadelphia Alley and Queen Street – These are two of my favorite places by far in this quaint city steeped in spirits and history. There are many guided walks available, but we enjoyed doing it alone. Cindy is spiritually connected for sure, so I enjoyed just playing with her as we listened to what our “unseen friends” told us about their former haunts. You can check out a tour or better yet, just befriend a local, and they will happily share their stories. Fort Moultrie – This early fort on Sullivan’s Island was still incomplete when Commodore Sir Peter Parker and nine warships attacked it on June 28, 1776, days before our Independence. After a nine-hour battle, the ships were forced to retire. Charleston was saved from British occupation, and the fort was named in honor of its commander, Colonel. William Moultrie. Today Fort Moultrie has been restored to portray the major periods of its history. For us, it provided the perfect backdrop to start our Independence Day Celebration! Sullivan’s Island and Beach –Just north of Charleston, you will discover one of the best beaches out there, anywhere. We spent much of our Fourth of July morning, spread out on colorful towels, smiling at passerbys, and dipping our toes in the sea several times to cool down. When you visit, be sure to see the Sullivan’s Island Lighthouse! Downtown Historic Summerville – I asked to celebrate midday Independence day in a place the symbolized Americana, and my friends delivered. We drove a bit outside of Charleston proper to the inclusive community known as Summerville. Progressive, yet steeped in its past, you too will love the spiritedness of this town. Their smoking ban started just a week after the fourth, so you can visit restaurants and bars in comfort, something still not real revered in southern cities.
http://www.summerville.sc.us/ Charleston Harbor – Evening fireworks were enjoyed by thralls including the three of us as they went off over expansive Charleston Harbor. We saw the display set against a silhouette of a burned out bridge that formerly connected Mt. Pleasant to Sullivan’s Island in the 1800’s. It was the perfect finish to a perfect trip. Whether you make it for a future Fourth of July celebration or not, when you do come, check out Charleston Harbor Tours which is the oldest continually operating harbor sightseeing tour company in Charleston, tracing back to 1908. Hop aboard the Carolina Belle and cruise by the Civil War’s historic Fort Sumter, Patriot’s Point, the Battery, and Saint Michael’s Episcopal Church Steeple. You’ll also cruise under the Arthur Ravenel Jr. Bridge. http://charlestonharbortours.com/ Oh, I’d be remiss if I didn’t let you know that Charleston has an active evening LGBT scene and a friendly, welcoming community, en par with the overall community in this southern gem. Take in a drag show at Club Pantheon which has amazing dirty martinis! Next stop: Savannah, GA where I met up with my longtime friend, Susan, with whom I worked off-Broadway. Sue still lives in the metro NYC area where she has advanced to being a super-talented Broadway scenic artist. Her passion however lies in restoring her historic home in Savannah where we spent a few days catching up and traveling across her great second city. Check out the next Travelicious! Travel deliciously, Rick]]> -
Mark's Cafe Moi: Remembering compassion in the ex-gay storm
I’ve never wanted to not be gay. Being same-sex attracted was something I was aware of at a very young age, and something I did not question in the slightest until I was older and realized that a great many people – essentially the entire culture I was living in then – considered it unacceptable. In that way I think I was fortunate. Like most children, what I experienced as natural was, well, natural. It was the opinions and beliefs of others that caused conflict, not my own self-awareness.
I’ve been many things in my life, but tortured about my sexual orientation is not one of them. Nonetheless, there are many people in the world who, mostly from the same experience of living in cultures that claim there is something wrong or immoral about us, struggle with themselves. It’s important that we retain compassion for them. It’s come to mind for me as I watch the recycling of the ex-gay phenomenon in the media regarding Michele Bachmann and her husband.
While it’s one thing to sneer at those who run these programs, some of whom are clearly taking advantage of troubled people, it’s not acceptable to include in our mockery the people who turn to these organizations. This isn’t something I see brought up much. It’s mostly howling about the absurdity (and the cruelty) of pushing the idea that anyone can change their sexual orientation through prayer or “reparative therapy,” or anything else.
I’m also reminded of two men I knew in the early 1980s. One ran a gay recovery house for alcoholism and substance abuse in Los Angeles, another was a man I knew who came to the house often. Both of them decided, for reasons of their own, to marry women and have children, after years of living as openly and, as far as I know, self-accepting gay men. It is very important that I accept their decisions, then and now. They were not tortured, they were not trying to gain salvation from some gay-occupied hell. They were fine men who made choices I would not make and they saw them through.
Compassion is not so much something we give as something we are. It is not piety. It is not surplus. It is a quiet realization that we are all truly the same. It’s a mark I often fall short of, but as I see once again the dustup over ex-gay therapy, ex-gay therapists, and the proponents of what amounts to spiritual charlatanism, I must remember that the people who matter most in this are the ones in emotional turmoil looking for peace. I hope they find it, each and every one, whether it takes a form pleasing to me or not.]]> -
New York judges lining up for history on a summer Sunday
Timing may not be everything, but it certainly mucks things up a lot. Frank and I are going to be at Rainbow Mountain in the Poconos next weekend (a trip that was booked a couple months ago). That Sunday, July 24, is marriage equality day in New York, and a number of judges are lining up to take part in history. You see, there’s a 24-hour waiting period in New York State from when you get the license to when you can have it signed. Only judges can override that. I’m so tempted to come home Saturday .
From the New York Times:
On a summer Sunday, Justice Thomas D. Raffaele of State Supreme Court in Queens would usually be in a bathing suit at the Jersey Shore. Instead, on July 24, the Sunday that New York’s same-sex marriage law goes into effect, he plans to be in his judicial robes at the city clerk’s office on Queens Boulevard, ready to marry people, possibly in large numbers. “I’ve heard there are a lot of people who are very excited,” he said. As one of several dozen judges across the state who have volunteered to play an official role in the new law’s first day, Justice Raffaele is part of one of the most unusual judicial mobilizations in years. From Buffalo to the Bronx and pretty much everywhere else in New York, judges are signing up for rare Sunday duty. If same-sex couples want to marry that Sunday, only judges would have the authority to dispense with the 24-hour waiting period required by law. And those judges could then officiate on the spot. Another of the volunteer judges, Sherry Klein Heitler of State Supreme Court in Manhattan, said she was expecting something of a party at the city clerk’s office. “I think there will be a lot of people,” Justice Heitler said. “I think there will be a lot of emotion. I think there will be a lot of happy tears.” In interviews, judges with a range of political perspectives said that for them, volunteering to work that day was public service. Judge Richard B. Meyer of Essex County Court in Elizabethtown, N.Y., said he felt an obligation to help any couple trying to take advantage of their newly minted right. “I think it’s important,” Judge Meyer said, “that people who have been waiting a long time to be married and who are anxious to do it have access to someone who is able to perform the ceremony on their time frame.” ]]>