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INTERVIEW: Changing jobs upstream, with Michael Loman
“I think seniors have an advantage in one way: they are perceived to be more responsible, more reliable, more able to do excellent work with a positive attitude. Age and experience and responsibility definitely have impact in this area. People want to hire people who are reliable and who will do the job well.” – Michael Loman, Professor, Film and Television, Boston Unviersity
I’ve known Michael Loman, now a professor of film and television at Boston University, since we met in Los Angeles almost 20 years ago. We moved to New York City together in 1993 and have remained close friends ever since. When I wanted to do an interview with someone who changed careers later in life, Michael was the first person I thought of. He was faced with a sudden change, met the challenge and came out the other side doing just fine. Following is my interview with him, which he managed to do while preparing for his next semester in Boston.
lgbtSr: You had a successful career in television writing and producing, culminating with 10 years as the executive producer of Sesame Street. What was it like being faced with a career change in your 60s?
ML: It was like being knocked over and flattened by a big tornado. Now I know what Dorothy went through, but it could have been worse. I could have had a house fall on top of me. Obviously, it was devastating.
lgbtSr: When you found yourself having to think of the next step in your career, was there a process? Did you immediately think of teaching, or was there an evolution?
ML: There was an evolution. I tried several ventures that failed. One venture I tried was to set up private classes to teach television script writing. I paid a lot of money for brochures and ads and I hired a student to help place the brochures in colleges and private schools in New York. I later found out that she never placed any brochures anywhere but took the money I paid her each week. So this venture failed. Then you suggested I teach and I did have a background in teaching, but on a secondary school level before I began my writing career. I had no interest in teaching secondary school. Who wants to deal with those discipline problems at my age, or any age? Teachers go through hell. But teaching on a college level made much more sense. And besides, that is the appropriate level for teaching my subject matter which is writing television situation comedy scripts. So I created a syllabus for teaching this subject and applied to every college in the tri-state area that had a big television department. No one would hire me. One professor at Princeton University called me and almost had a stroke that I had had the temerity to suggest I might teach this at Princeton. Finally, the Co-chair of the Film department at Yale University actually picked up the phone when I called and suggested I apply to the seminar program that the various colleges at Yale sponsored.
This is a program that allows students to take courses that Yale does not teach. I did and my syllabus was accepted. The first day teaching I had over a hundred kids sitting in all the way down the hall trying to get one of the 15 spots in the class. The class worked out very well. The student evaluations were terrific. I taught this class for a few years and then the Co-Chair of the Film Department hired me to teach it and eventually other courses as an adjunct at Yale in the film department.
lgbtSr: Your career in teaching has gone very well. Is there any advice you’d have for people who find themselves having to re-create their careers? ML: The world has changed. And you have to think out of the box. If you were an office manager and lost your job it doesn’t mean that you will ever get a job as office manager again. So you have to think of all the things you can do, and be inventive. And creative. And networking is a big help. Finding connections, asking people for help, following up on any lead is effective. And just not giving up but continuing to try in your field and out of your field – and again, be creative. Think of what you enjoy doing and what you CAN DO well, and new twists on that. I think seniors have an advantage in one way: they are perceived to be more responsible, more reliable, more able to do excellent work with a positive attitude. Age and experience and responsibility definitely have impact in this area. People want to hire people who are reliable and who will do the job well. lgbtSr: You’re heading to London for your second Fulbright. It seems good things can come from uncertain times. What would you say to people – like me for that matter – who are anxious about their worklife future? ML: The Fulbright was a challenge to me. It is a very difficult process to go through and I worked my tail off. But I really wanted to challenge myself, and I felt that if they are giving out Fulbrights (this is a Senior Specialist consultant) why shouldn’t I get one? I certainly know my area of expertise. So I think a positive attitude and a wish to challenge yourself is good. And what’s the worst that can happen? You don’t get it. But you tried. So in answer to your other question: I think determination and a positive image of oneself is extremely important. I have always been a go-getter when it comes to achieving anything I wanted to achieve. That means putting yourself out there, never stopping until you get what you want, and even if you fail, go on to something else that you can achieve. lgbtSr: This is a website devoted to lgbt seniors (over 50). If you could say one best thing and one worst thing about being an older gay man, what would they be? ML: Let me start with the negative and end with the positive. The worst is that it is very hard to find a partner. And also, dear friends that you’ve had for forty or fifty years move to other places and some die or just disappear from your life. Now for the positive. The best thing about being an older gay man: you see the dramatic changes that have happened as a result of the glbt community. What we have achieved in forty or fifty years is quite extraordinary. And that’s because we’ve come together as a community and helped each other. Look what we did with the AIDS crisis? Look what we’ve created with gay choruses, gay churches, gay centers, gay networks for every kind of person (even Republicans.) Look what we’ve done politically. We are now a force to be reckoned with. We are about to achieve gay marriage. All of this unthinkable forty years ago. We have ourselves to thank, and certain heroes like Larry Kramer who have helped us change the world for the better. When I was a young gay kid in a more homophobic time and world, I worried about what my life would be like, what I would have to go through, what pain and agony I would have to endure for being gay. Now I can look back on my life and say I have had the greatest life and am the luckiest person in the world for having been a gay man.]]> -
MARK’S CAFE MOI: 52 year old gay male executive assistant out of a job
Imagine you’re a woman executive assistant. Then imagine the other 50 or so other assistants are all men. Would it not occur to you that maybe there’s some gender bias going on? And any time you mention it, no one can believe it. They think it’s all in your head, despite your having lost every job you’ve applied for at this company for the last 10 years to a man.
Now flip it. I’m a 52 year old gay male executive assistant, the last of my kind in the company I work for. We’re a global operation and I’m in a global position, knowing pretty much everyone in the different regions. There used to be 3 or 4 male assistants in New York. Now there’s only me and one fellow whose title is ‘research assistant,’ and my job has been eliminated.
I’m not paranoid, I’m just observant and honest. I know the odds are not good for me getting an open executive assistant position when I’m competing with women in an environment where this is considered a woman’s job. Yes, the company touts its diversity efforts. Yes, it’s LGBT-friendly and all that. But the diversity awareness seems to stop when it comes to hiring an executive assistant. I don’t necessarily blame people; I don’t think they’re even aware of what they’re doing. But I know from many years of experience that most men in corporate management assume their assistant will be/should be a woman. Some of it, frankly, is homophobia, conscious or unconscious. I was lucky when I started here that the man who hired me couldn’t care less that I was a gay man. I did a good job and that’s all that mattered.
But I won’t fool myself. I’m in my 50s, I’m a man in a position held overwhelmingly by women, and I’m gay. A diversity triple-header if any of them thought about it, but they don’t. More to follow in the coming days . . .]]> -
NYC: Guide to senior-friendly grocery stores on the Upper West Side
City Councilwoman Gail Brewer has published a guide that maps out 23 major grocery stores in her district and details them for age-friendliness.
From the New York Times:
Created on the Upper West Side. Flying off the shelves.
Tina Fey’s “Bossypants”? O.K., that too, but also City Councilwoman Gale A. Brewer’s age-friendly grocery guide.
The guide, created by Ms. Brewer’s staff, maps out 23 major grocery stores in her district, and lists them according to amenities that elderly citizens — and others, too — might find appealing:
• Handicap-accessible restrooms.
• Any public restrooms, for that matter.
• Meat, poultry or fish sold in single portions.
• “Seating provided, or available upon request.”
• Senior discounts.
• The ability to shop online — or by phone. Ms. Brewer unveiled the guide at an April 5 symposium called “Becoming Age-Friendly: The Upper West Side,” which she sponsored with the New York Academy of Medicine, the city’s Department of Cultural Affairs and Department of Parks and Recreation, among other groups. That day, all 500 copies of the grocery guide were snapped up.
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A job interview in corporate-speak
This is so on-the-mark. Having done some support for our internal communications department I hear this kind of language all the time. The only thing missing is the word ‘evangelizing,’ which has come into very annoying use. It should be reserved for religion, where it has its roots and real meaning. By the time you’re ‘evangelizing the brand’ you’re ready for a brain transplant, or the graveyard of ideas. Speaking of job interviews: I should be able to write here very soon about my current experience with this. I’m losing my job and have yet to know what my status is with this company. I’ll have plenty to say about that in the coming days.]]>
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NYC stores hit in crackdown on illegal chocolate eggs
SWAT team corners chocolate bunny Once it was the Mafia eating away at the soul of New York City. Now it’s store owners selling illegal chocolate eggs. Where’s Eliot Ness when you need him? From Fox Nation: Manhattan candy sellers had their Kinder eggs confiscated in raids by Consumer Product Safety Commission last week, DNAinfo has learned. The businesses, which sold the hollow milk chocolate eggs that contain a toy in a plastic capsule, were profiled by DNAinfo last week. The CPSC has banned the eggs, which are popular abroad and made by Italian manufacturer, Ferraro, because they are viewed as a choking hazard. At TriBeCa’s gourmet Jin Market, the CPSC seized a box of Kinder eggs, which have labels saying for children three and up.
Cross-posted from MadeMark.net]]> -
Resources: The Savvy Senior
Keeping my eye out for content and resources for this site, I came across a great one: The Savvy Senior. By its own definition the site is, “A national information service devoted to older Americans and the families who support them. Through a variety of media, Savvy Senior provides information and resources through its nationally syndicated newspaper column, senior newswire service, resource books, weekly radio program and television features on NBC, CNBC, CNN and Retirement Living TV.”
I’ve added a link to it on the left sidebar. Check it out.]]> -
Equality Forum to include LGBT senior issues
From Philly.com: Weeklong Equality Forum to deal with problems of LGBT seniors
By Dianna Marder Inquirer Staff Writer You could dismiss it as just a broken ankle, but the injury brought reality into the home of Joel Sartorius. “That’s when I realized I could not age in place,” says Sartorius, 63, who lives in a charming but multi-staircased Center City townhouse. As a gay man, Sartorius and his partner of 33 years, Bob Melucci, 69, face thornier problems than most of the country’s swelling ranks of aging boomers. Barred from marrying in most states, the men are legally deprived of rights that straight couples rely on as they age, such as receiving spousal Social Security benefits, and the right to make medical and legal decisions for each other.
[SNIP] Still, the current population, the 1.5 million LGBT elders who came of age when homosexuality was classified as a crime as well as a serious mental illness, are more likely to be estranged from their families, childless, impoverished, in diminished health, and facing bias from the very social-service agencies charged with helping them, says Michael Adams, executive director of the Manhattan group Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders (SAGE.) “There’s definitely an increased potential for mistreatment,” says Adams, who will moderate a National Seniors Panel at 7 p.m. Wednesday at Hamilton Hall, 320 S. Broad St. That issue and other discussions are at the heart of the 19th annual Equality Forum, which starts at 6 p.m. Monday with an invitation-only gathering and continues through Sunday with a range of free events, both serious and social, expected to draw 25,000 to 35,000 people. A panel Tuesday will look at issues facing transgender individuals; LGBT concerns in Latin America is Thursday’s focus; and panels on family, workplace, youth, politics, and the law fill out the week. Most events are free and open to all.
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San Diego Human Dignity Foundation launches lgbt senior initiative
From RageMonthly.com: The San Diego Human Dignity Foundation (SDHDF) announces a new initiative, Aging with Dignity. This is a multi-year program designed to improve the quality of life for LGBT seniors in San Diego. Several landmark studies by SAGE, AARP, the Williams Institute, the New York Times, and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Policy Institute provide sobering documentation of the enormous emotional and social challenges facing LGBT seniors. A recent New York Times article (April 15, 2011) cited that older lesbian, gay and bisexual adults in California are more likely to suffer from chronic physical and mental health problems than their heterosexual counterparts, and they also are less likely to have live-in partners or adult children who can help care for them. “We are a community that has a long history of taking care of our own. The stories are difficult to hear, and the data are compelling. Now is the time to seriously begin to address the challenges facing our LGBT seniors,” says Tony Freeman, SDHDF Executive Director. Continue reading.]]> -
Larry Kramer has a thing or two to say about the gays today
I reviewed Larry Kramer’s ‘The Normal Heart’ for a local Los Angeles gay paper when it played there in the mid-1980s. I went to see it with my partner Jim, who subsequently died from AIDS in 1991. I almost bought tickets this morning to go see it in Broadway previews, but Frank, whose partner Michael died five years ago (not long before we met) just isn’t up to it. I can understand, it brings back painful memories for those of us old enough to have lived through the wave of loss and its lingering effects.
I remember asking Richard Dreyfuss (he was playing the lead) during the Q&A how we were going to change attitudes when sex-on-demand was being treated as a civil right by gay men at the time. There were protests in Los Angeles when they tried to close the bathhouses. They stayed open, and we’ll never know how many men might be alive today had it been treated as the critical public health crisis it was.
Kramer was recently interviewed in Salon and had, as usual, some things to say about the state of gay in 2011.
From Salon.com:
The problem with gay men today
To say Larry Kramer is polarizing is like saying Rush Limbaugh is a little bit conservative. The Pulitzer-nominated playwright, screenwriter, author and activist has been one of the most controversial figures in American gay life over the past 30 years. He first incensed gay men in 1978 with “Faggots,” his eerily prescient novel that critiqued the gay community’s culture of promiscuity. And as a co-founder of Gay Men’s Health Crisis and the founder of ACT UP, the influential AIDS activist group, he became one of the most strident and passionate voices in the early years of the AIDS crisis. While making countless enemies, most notably New York Mayor Ed Koch, he was one of the people most responsible for drawing attention to the disease.
Over the last decade and a half, as AIDS has transitioned from a death sentence to largely treatable and gay culture has transitioned from the margins to somewhere closer to the mainstream, Kramer has remained (almost) as angry as ever. In 2005, he published “The Tragedy of Today’s Gays,” a transcript of a speech in which he attacked the younger generation of gay men for their apathy over gay causes and accused them of condemning their “predecessors to nonexistence.”
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Going to hear Rev. Troy Perry preach tonight
One of the things I’ve observed as I get older is how easily we forget those who’ve gone before us and the things they went through. Few gay men in their 20s and 30s have any real sense of what we went through in the 1980s with AIDS. I’m among the fortunate ones, alive and well, with a memory of the first reports of a strange gay cancer in New York. I was living in Los Angeles then, 1981, and I can clearly remember sitting on the floor watching television with a group of friends as these reports started coming in. It’s too long, grueling and sad a story, and I’ve told it enough in stories, plays and blog posts to be done with it, but it’s part of my life’s history and always will be.
We also tend to be unaware of the pioneers who don’t get all the press. Judging from what I’ve read in other gay media, we had Harvey Milk, and, when Martin Luther King Day rolls around, Bayard Rustin. But there were so many, many more. The Mattachine Society. Morris Kight. The Daughters of Bilitis. And, one day in 1968, a despondent exiled Baptist named Troy Perry who put an ad in a newspaper and started a congregation. It became the United Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches, and it’s doing just fine.
Rev. Perry was one of the founders of Christopher Street West, establishing the Los Angeles Pride March, the first and oldest. He also filed the first lawsuit seeking recognition of same-sex marriage. He is, simply, an icon, but not an icon you’ll read about at the big gay blogs. Not, I think, because they don’t care, but because they’re unaware. Even my beloved Rev. Pat Bumgardner, pastor at MCC New York, was given only a single-post mention for being named co-Grand Marshal for this year’s NYC Pride Parade. The real news, it seems, is that Dan Savage and his partner Terry are the other Grand Marshalls. I don’t begrudge anyone any of this, but it always stings a little bit to know so many of us have so little use for our elders. Pat Who? Troy who? Oh, look, it’s Dan Choi! Hurry, we can get a picture with him. Oh, wait, there’s Alan Cumming! I gotta tweet this, I have to!
So today Frank and I will be going to the MCCNY Easter banquet. Rev. Pat will be there, along with Rev. Perry. And tonight I’m taking Frank to hear Troy Perry, one of the best, funniest, most humane preachers I’ve ever heard. He’s 71 years old now. I remember seeing him at an LA Pride Parade when I was 19. How can I not think this is a little more significant than the latest Queer Rising marriage action or a kiss-in in the UK? These are people who made these things possible, and I hope we never forget them.]]> -
Long term care costs remain on the rise
My parents were lucky, if you can call it that. Mom died at home after a third bout with cancer. They gave her six months to live and that’s what she dutifully did, but not until celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
Eleven years later Dad died from a combination Alzheimer’s and pneumonia. He was in the hospital, but not long. Neither required long term nursing care. It remains one of life’s fears, even for the generally fearless: ending up in a nursing home, or having to place someone we love there, whether it’s a parent or a spouse, and the costs of it continues to rise.
From Senior Housing News:
The average annual cost of care for a private room in a nursing home increased to $85,775 per year, up 3.5% from the previous year according to a study from John Hancock Financial.
Its findings revealed that the national average annual cost of care in the US is $75,555 for a semi-private room in a nursing home; and $39,240 for an assisted living facility. The average cost of care received at home was approximately $20 per hour.
“The ongoing effect of the recession on the nest eggs of so many individuals underscores the importance of planning for the future,” said Marianne Harrison, President of John Hancock LTC. ”John Hancock believes that long-term care insurance is an integral component of any prudent financial plan. Our cost of care studies are intended to help people better understand and prepare for their future long-term care needs.”
The study surveyed more than 11,000 providers, including nursing homes, assisted living facilities, and home health care agencies, in key cities across the country.
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Three times as vulnerable: black, gay, senior
A lot of the gay and lesbian elder population has not been a focus of the conversation. Somehow they are a hidden population.” – Dr. Raphael Bostic The challenges facing seniors can be difficult enough. Compound them with being lgbt and black, and things can get harder. Below is a brief excerpt from an interview conducted by PrideSource with Dr. Raphael Bostic. Excerpt from an interview with Dr. Raphael Bostic (PrideSource): There is a triple threat facing the elder African American LGBT population in the Detroit area. Even though small in number, this particular group of people encounters difficulties in finding retirement homes, safety, recognition and financial security. Dr. Raphael Bostic, the assistant secretary of Housing and Urban Development, attended an April 16 summit organized by KICK (an agency for LGBT African Americans) to address such concerns. Dr. Bostic spoke to BTL about discrimination and other issues faced by these elders. What were the common concerns discussed at the KICK summit? The elder LGBT population has significant challenges. They don’t have children who can offer them help and support. If they are with a partner they often don’t have access to their (partner’s) pension funds, so they can become extremely vulnerable rather quickly. This is a really important conversation, and a lot of the gay and lesbian elder population has not been a (focus) of that conversation. Somehow they are a hidden population. Elders in African American communities have difficulties, elders in general have difficulties and LGBT elders have difficulties, so this really overlays three types of groups. We don’t really know much about the challenges that this group faces and they are forced to be invisible because sexual orientation and gender identity are not protected classes, so landlords can and do discriminate against these (people). So sometimes they have to go back into the closet. One of the things we are trying work on is how often these issues arise so we can talk about it in an informed way and hopefully get to a place where that kind of discrimination happens a lot less frequently. (read on)
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Hospice Foundation webinar: supporting the LGBT community through illness, death and grief
I just attended a terrific webinar conducted by the Hospice Foundation of America on supporting the LGBT community in death, illness and grief. The two presenters were Dr. Kimberly Acquaviva and Dr. Kenneth Doka.
Dr. Acquaviva conducted the first part, which was aimed at professionals in the healthcare industry. She covered issues facing LGBT people and couples requiring care – does the healthcare professional’s agency have a non-discrimination policy for its employees, how are they prepared to serve the LGBT community. Does the intake person determine gender by looking at the person or is the person allowed to self-identify. It was all great information, and I was curious to know who was on the call. One of the best questions from a provider in the Q&A was when it was appropriate for a care provider to reveal his/her sexual orientation. Acquaviva, an out lesbian herself, answered that it is always about caring for the patient and there are ways to signal to the patient without coming out and saying it. Dr. Acquiviva is of the mind that it’s not a good idea for the provider to make any statement, not because they should hide it but because the care is completely about the patient.
Dr. Doka covered an area very familiar to me: grief and disenfranchised grief. I lost my partner Jim in 1991. He (and we) were treated with respect at Hollywood’s Kaiser Permanente. Jim’s life ended in a hospice. But one of my two sisters never acknowledged him when he was alive (she and her husband would not come to my parents’ house when we were there) and she never, not once, acknowledged my grief. That changed eventually and she and her family were welcoming to Frank and me, but her reaction as if the man I lost was not worth commenting on compounded immense grief with fury. It’s not uncommon.
Frank lost his partner Michael after 22 years, just seven months before we met, and I knew what I was dealing with. The grief section of the webinar was excellent, as were the many excellent questions. Just outstanding.]]>