I wrote recently about having two mothers, one who gave birth to me, and one who raised me. Mom, who adopted me at the age of two, passed away Christmas day 1999. My birth mother, Helen, remains alive in Natchez, Mississippi, along with six of my seven siblings by birth (one sister is in New Jersey). I learned in an email this morning from one of my sisters that our mother is in the hospital with an infection and will be going into a nursing home from there. While she’s had the support of six very grown children there (I’m the only non-grandparent, though I am a great-uncle many times over) , it’s become too difficult for them to keep her at home. As much of an absence of emotional connection as I’ve had with my birth mother since being told I was adopted at seventeen, this still comes as a sad day. My other three parents were spared what can be an okay experience, or can be a nightmare of fear, frustration and loneliness. My birth father, a stranger I never met, died from a heart attack when I was in my 20s. Mom died in 1999, and Dad died just a year and a half ago, from pneumonia, “the old person’s friend.” He’d had worsening Alzheimer’s and under those circumstances a fairly quick death is a blessing. My mother will not lack for company, that I’m sure of. Her children, despite her history of having given six of us up, were devoted to her. My two brothers lived on the same street until recently, and my sisters there are constantly at her house. There is some comfort in knowing she will not be housed in a nursing home and forgotten, but I still wish she could have finished out her days at home, as we all hope we can.]]>

No surprise here. We were visiting some of Frank’s family in Coral Springs/Ft. Lauderdale a few weeks ago. We stopped to pick up lunch at a massive deli that was packed with shoppers, none of whom appeared to be under the age of 80. I felt like a spring chicken. From the list of 10 states with the oldest populations: 1. Florida
2. West Virginia
3. Maine
4. Pennsylvania
5. Iowa
6. North Dakota
7. Hawaii
8. Montana
9. (a tie) South Dakota, Rhode Island]]>

Marriage Equality Film Project – David Wilson Interview Excerpt In what is probably the most eloquent case made for marriage equality I’ve come across, Jonathan Capehart at the Washington Post introduces us to a black man named David Wilson. Wilson’s first partner died in their driveway, and Wilson was arrested, considered a stranger and assumed to have committed a crime. He includes a lengthy quote from Wilson that is must-reading, in which Wilson discusses his parents and how his mother was treated by the black church she cherished. It’s convinced me more than anything else I’ve seen that there is a connection, and a justified one, between the civil rights movement of African-Americans, and our struggle for marriage equality. This is heartbreaking stuff but absolutely essential to understanding why we need not shy away from claiming this as a mutual struggle, a cry for human rights and dignity that transcends racial division. From the Washington Post/Jonathan Capehart:

There is no question in my mind that there is a seamless arc connecting the civil rights fight waged by African Americans in the 1950s and 1960s and the one underway by gay men and lesbians. But not everyone agrees. Least of all other blacks and the black church in particular. We saw this conflict play out in Maryland, where a bill to legalize same-sex marriage went down in defeat in March in part due to pressure from the black church. A new documentary looks at the black-gay civil rights divide by centering on Massachusetts Rep. Byron Rushing (D) during the commonwealth’s push to legalize same-sex marriage. The African American legislator eloquently weaves the two movements together in the 15-minute film. Following a screening of the movie last month, I moderated a panel discussion at Aaron Davis Hall in New York City that looked at the marriage equality push in New York state from a black perspective. The panel was filled with luminaries, including media and fashion mogul Russell Simmons. But the star of the event was a soft-spoken man named David Wilson. [SNIP] In the film, Wilson tells the heartbreaking story about the death of his then-partner. The trauma of finding him lying in the driveway. The terror of being arrested by the police on suspicion of breaking and entering or assault and battery before neighbors convinced police otherwise. The indignity of being denied information by the hospital because he was a legal stranger to his partner. Only after his partner’s 75-year-old mother told the hospital who Wilson was did they inform him that his partner of 13 years was dead on arrival. Continue reading Cross-posted from MadeMark.net]]>

I’m a Skype fan, ever since I got it at work and have been able to instant message Frank at his office. Sometimes we use the webcams, but it’s great for IM without the video. No need to log into Yahoo or Google or any of that. Just Skype to Skype. I’m also going to be using it for interviews here at lgbtSr, now that I have a software called Vodburner that records video calls on Skype. It rocks. Here’s hoping Microsoft doesn’t find a way to ruin in now that they’re buying it for $8.5 billion. The last thing we need is more Microsoft tentacles in our lives. If it works, don’t fix it, and really don’t screw it up.]]>

In a first, the Library of Congress is displaying documents from the history of the LGBT rights movement. The documents were donated by the estate of Frank Kameny, one of the earliest gay rights pioneers. From the Washington Post: WASHINGTON — Documents from gay rights history are on display for the first time at the Library of Congress as part of an exhibit on the nation’s constitutional history and civil rights protections. The documents come from gay rights pioneer Frank Kameny, who was fired as a government astronomer in 1957 because he was gay. The library is showing Kameny’s 1961 petition to the U.S. Supreme Court, contesting his firing. Though it was denied, Kameny’s was the first petition to the high court for a violation of civil rights based on sexual orientation. He argued the government’s actions toward gays were an “affront to human dignity.” “This inclusion is an epic milestone in the telling of gay history because it places gay Americans’ struggle for equality where it belongs — in the story of the Constitution itself,” Charles Francis, a founder of the Kameny Papers Project, told The Associated Press. The library quietly placed the documents on view at the end of April in an exhibit called “Creating the United States,” which traces the evolution of the nation’s founding documents and legal framework. Organizers of the Kameny Papers Project, which donated about 50,000 items to the library in 2006, announced the display Monday.
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From Hawaii News Now: HONOLULU (HawaiiNewsNow) – Going back to school can be scary after spending decades in the workforce, but some senior citizens are skipping retirement and returning to classes to compete in Hawaii’s tough job market. Leona Pereza worked as a pediatric nurse in a private practice for 34 years. In 2003, at the age of 57, she found herself out of a job when the doctor retired. “I know the daunting feeling of being in that situation at that age and saying, ‘Now, what do I do?’ It’s frightening,” said the Enchanted Lake resident. After a lot of soul-searching, she decided to go back to school to become a social worker. Her husband, Arnold, wasn’t working anymore because of a heart condition. Paying for tuition stretched the family’s finances. Pereza said at first, she was intimidated by the younger students, but the long hours of studying paid off. After five years, she earned a bachelor’s and a master’s degree. Now she loves her job as an admissions coordinator and social worker at Shriner’s Hospital for Children. “I have done everything I could possibly do to gain new work skills to be marketable, to be able to be here and compete and stay employed, but there’s so many uncertainties,” said Pereza. There are other seniors like Pereza in classrooms across the state. Enrollment at the seven community colleges in the University of Hawaii system is up. The number of students age 50 and older rose from 906 in 2006 to 1,228 last year. Continue reading]]>

I’ve had my issues from time to time with Meredith and Matt, mostly around the stupidity of some of the segments they’ve had to do (do we really need to see another laughing baby YouTube video?). But she’s a familiar face at 7:00 am every morning, and I’ll miss her. I think it’s great that she’s leaving in part to spend more time with her husband. When it comes down to it, my life with Frank is what matters most to me. The rest is, as they say, gravy. From the HuffingtonPost: NBC announced Monday that “Today” show anchor Meredith Vieira will be leaving her position at the anchor desk in June. Longtime newsreader Ann Curry will take Vieira’s place alongside Matt Lauer. In addition, Natalie Morales will take Curry’s place as newsreader, and Savannah Guthrie will become a co-host of the third hour of the show. An emotional Vieira also announced the news on Monday’s show. Calling it a “difficult day,” but said that, after “months of personal reflection” and conversations with her family and friends, she had decided to step down. “Even as I say this, and I know it’s the right thing, I’m really sad,” she said. This has been my second home.” She said she “really hope[d] to stay in the NBC family.”]]>

I’m a New Yorker (17 years and counting), and while I’m hoping to move to our house in the New Jersey countryside one of these days, it’s great to see that LGBT seniors are being included in initiatives for NYC seniors. From SAGE News: WNYC News Blog- http://www.wnyc.org
Friday, May 06, 2011 – 05:22 PM
By Kathleen Horan Mayor Michael Bloomberg set aside between $3 million and $5 million in his budget to fund 10 ‘innovative senior centers’–including one for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered New Yorkers. Advocates estimate there are more than 100,000 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered New Yorkers over 65 living in the five boroughs – and they are twice as likely to be living alone and much more likely to be childless and disconnected from their families. “Many LGBT seniors feel like they have to go back into the closet as they age,” said commissioner of the city’s Department for the Aging, Lilliam Barrios-Paoli. “Every senior center is a place where people feel welcomed. It’s difficult to feel that way when you can’t be who you are. This center will be like every other center except LGBT people will be welcomed and accepted for who they are.”]]>

It’s that time of year again, the best time of year in rural New Jersey. I’m slowly becoming more of a gardener and getting into it. One of these days this will be what I wake to in the mornings.

Cross-posted from MadeMark.net]]>

Rev. Troy Perry gives the Easter sermon at MCC New York I recently interviewed Rev. Pat Bumgardner from MCC New York, and just three weeks ago Frank and I attended their Easter banquet, where the denomination’s founder, Rev. Troy Perry, gave his annual Easter sermons. Rev. Perry will be in Washington helping MCC-DC celebrate their 40th anniversary. If you’re in the area, be sure to join the celebration. From Metro Weekly: In 1968 Rev. Troy Perry founded an LGBT-affirming Protestant Christian church in Los Angeles, eventually growing into 250 worldwide congregations as the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC). In D.C., Rev. J. E. Paul Breton founded the Community Church of Washington D.C. at his home in Capitol Hill in 1970. The next year, it became chartered as an official MCC congregation. Perry is expected to join the Metropolitan Community Church of Washington, D.C., (MCC-DC) during its ”Fabulous and Faithful 40th Anniversary Event,” at the Human Rights Campaign, 1640 Rhode Island Ave. NW, on Friday, May 13, from 7 to 11 p.m. ”We wanted the celebration to be outside the church because we wanted people to be able to have some social time and we don’t allow alcohol at MCC, so they can drink there,” says Bob Whitman, who is gay and the vice moderator of the church’s board of directors.]]>

From the ‘about’ section: Mombian is a lifestyle site for lesbian moms and other LGBT parents, offering a mix of parenting, politics, diversions, and resources for all our varied roles. Mombian provides parenting tips, children’s activities, book reviews for parents and children, and political news and commentary, all from the perspective of a lesbian mom. It also includes a helping of lesbian culture and entertainment, in the belief that mothers don’t lose their other interests the moment they become parents.]]>

Cross-posted from MadeMark.net I was making a video clip this morning of the plot and planters where we’ll be growing vegetables and flowers this year. It runs 3:43. I’m more and more aware these days of my desire to slow down. Life goes by so quickly even without us shoving it forward. Cutting it into byte-sized, 140 character micro-chapters only makes it more likely that we’ll miss most of it, as if we’re gazing at a tapestry and the only thing we see is the occasional thread. Everything I read about pleasing and attracting an online audience says shorter, shorter, shorter. Many people now have the attention spans of squirrels, picking up a nut, sniffing it, dropping it and looking for another. To paraphrase an old saying, life is what happens while we’re busy tweeting other plans. You can see this demonstrated acutely in any office elevator. People no longer have the patience or ability to speak to one another, to say good morning, to just take a very short ride in an elevator without grabbing the BlackBerry and seeing who needs them right this very instant. It’s a conditioning, and we’ve done it to ourselves. We’ve chopped our existences up into ever smaller bits until now life is not only short, it speeds by in data packets and laughing baby YouTube sensations and the quick, quick, quick grab for the ever-shrinking attention span. I’m going in the other direction. If I see or conduct an interview with someone who has something to teach me, or even interest me, I’m happy to give them 10 minutes. More if that’s what’s required. And I’m not going to try to keep any video I make short enough to provide a beginning, middle and end in just enough time to keep someone watching. Planting a garden is not done in under three minutes. Reading or writing a poem is not accomplished in 140 characters. To savor, whether it’s food or drink or another human being or the day we find ourselves in, requires allowing every flavor to seep in, in its own time. Come along to the gardens of each other’s imaginations and let it take as long as it needs. The rest of the world can spiral faster and faster to a day when nothing means anything and everything gets ten seconds because that’s all it’s worth.]]>

This one’s not a cartoon. I really do have two mothers, one dead since 1999, one alive and ailing in Mississippi. Mother’s Day is always challenging for me. I was given up for adoption at the age of two, having been born into a large (9 children) family to a woman who couldn’t raise that many children and a man who left her after I was born. I had no idea this birth family existed until I was 17 and I didn’t meet them until I was 35. The challenge for me has been the complete lack of emotional connection or reaction to my birth mother, Helen. The woman who raised me, Margaret, had a profound effect on my life, for better and worse (she reacted violently to me being gay, but before then had been a sort of mother-idol for me, and the relationship healed before her death). When Margaret died from lung cancer in her own bedroom, with my father and my two sisters there, it was an ending for me. But then . . . there was Helen. And not only Helen, but five surviving sisters and two brothers to remind me I could not close this door. I could not throw a flower onto my mother’s grave and walk away, having buried one of my two parents. She was one of four! A father I never met, a birth mother still alive and well at the time, and a dad I would continue to visit in Indiana until his death in 2009. I sent Helen flowers this year. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Try finding a Mother’s Day card for a woman you have no feeling for. It’s very difficult, because almost all the cards are mushy, you’re-the-best-mom-that-ever-happened-to-me schmaltz. I just want a damn card that says Happy Mother’s Day! I’m told by my sister (I did get some good sibling relationships out of it) that Helen is not doing well mentally, that she’s about ready for assisted living. And I think, god, will it ever be over? And when she passes away, will I go? It’s an emotional reality I could do without, but it’s mine.]]>