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Mark's Cafe Moi: Sometimes I feel like a fatherless child
I imagine one day I won’t pay any attention to father’s day, or mother’s day, although my mother’s been gone for twelve years and it still brings things up for me annually, especially while I have a birth mother still living.
I was thinking recently about who taught me to be a man, and it was not my father. He also was one of two – the man who actually fathered me, my birth father, is buried in a small Mississippi cemetery and I never met him. I did visit the grave on my first trip there to reunite with my birth family. I was thirty-five years old. I’d known about them since the age of seventeen but wasn’t emotionally prepared to meet them until much later. I wanted mostly to assure myself, with the bitterness I had at the time, that he was indeed dead. Aside from fathering me, the man had given me nothing nor cared about my well being in any way. I can testify that he’s there, buried beneath a very modest headstone, along a rural road near a tiny chapel.
The man who adopted me – Dad – passed away in November 2009. It was with him I had a lifelong love/hate relationship, the love being mostly obligatory both ways. I often had the feeling I was not the son he wanted, and he didn’t do much to counter that.
When I think of who my role models were, they were the men I met in my early 20s, the gay men I came to know in Los Angeles, who really taught me how to be an adult. My father had given us alcohol when we were early teenagers. In my case, when I was twelve. It’s all well beyond judgment now, but it was not something a father does who is trying to instruct his son in the ways of either manhood or adulthood.
He was hyper-critical, often cruel, and clearly aware of my differences: I think he sensed very early that I was gay, or at least not his idea of masculine, and he would taunt me and ridicule me in sometimes very subtle ways. I cannot honestly say he had any influence on me becoming the man I am today, other than to compel me to achieve and to pursue my own ideas of what constituted a life I wanted. To that end, he did make me more determined to be the things he so disdained: a writer, an open and happy gay man, a dreamer, a wayward child.
So on this upcoming Father’s Day, I remember Mac, as he was called. I miss him for whatever reasons I miss him. He was not a bad man, just, like all of us, a limited human being. His limitations had consequences for him and for his family. I also remember on this Father’s Day the men, many of them long dead, who truly taught me to be a man.]]> -
Everywhere it’s legal: couple weds in Canada and every state they can
While those of us in New York wait sort-of breathlessly for marriage equality (I’m expecting it not to happen, that way I can be shocked if it does), one couple has simply gone to every state where they can marry or be civilly united and done it, as well as to Canada. I didn’t know you could have multiple marriage licenses. I suspect that’s not something any straight couple has ever thought of doing, given the one-size-fits-all reality of opposite-sex marriage.
From Out:
Paul David Wadler and Rick Brown have been married or received a civil union in Canada and every U.S. state where the ceremony is legal — and have pledged to continue their nuptials wherever else it becomes possible. With New York set to make history as the biggest state to legalize gay marriage, a trip to the East Coast might be in the couple’s future.
Continue reading
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One day left for New York marriage equality?
I’ve kept my expectations on this far in the basement, but then we hear from people like mayor Bloomberg saying he’s convinced the votes in the Senate are there, if only they bring it to a floor vote. One the one hand, I believe him. On the other hand, I cannot be surprised if the Republicans, suspecting it might actually pass, keep it from a vote.
We now have only one day left, Monday, for this to pass. Maybe it would be done in the special session the governor says he’ll call to get the rent control law renewed, but maybe not. As I’ve come to view it for a long time now, I’ll believe it when I see it. Meanwhile, the archbishop of New York continues to refer to me marrying my partner as an “ominous threat” and immoral. This from a man who’s taken a vow of celibacy and whose function in life is to be a Vatican mouthpiece. Does he not know how hurtful it is to have your committed, till-death-do-us-part relationship referred to as a threat and a violation of nature? Even the intellectually gifted can be ignorant.]]> -
Conservative seniors organization defends Paul Ryan Medicare plan
A group calling itself the ’60 Plus Association’ is launching a TV ad in June that defends Rep. Paul Ryan’s plans to turn Medicare into a voucher system – though avoiding any of that language in a disarming 30-second spot. When I watched the ad I noticed at the end the voiceover saying future seniors will have a healthcare plan choice “just like members of Congress.” Color me skeptical. From ABC News: ABC News’ Huma Khan reports: The 60 Plus Association, a conservative seniors’ advocacy group, today launched a national television ad campaign today touting Rep. Paul Ryan’s controversial Medicare plan. “The Democrats and Obama are destroying Medicare,” said Jim Martin, chairman of the group that dubs itself as the conservative alternative to the more mainstream seniors’ lobbying group, AARP. “It’s time to put an end to their ‘mediscare’ tactics. The reality is that Medicare in its current form is going to bankrupt our nation.” The 30-second ad heavily features House Budget Committee chairman Ryan and the group will spend $1.4 billion to run the ad on national cable television and local markets in Florida and Ohio.
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Mark's Cafe Moi: The thrill of unsubscribing
Backstory: Once upon a time I had a BlackBerry. I didn’t know any better, so I thought it was the best thing ever. I used it for email, which I rarely got at the time, and the occasional on-the-run blog posting.
I kept seeing ads for the iPhone, which, as a natural contrarian, I refused to buy. There was just something herdish about it, so I demurred. Then I saw ads for a new BlackBerry, but it was an exclusive with AT&T. I have Verizon and am not one to jump ship. Plus Verizon’s the only carrier that works really well for me in the New Jersey countryside where we have a house and go on the weekends. I stopped in to the Verizon store just to see when they might be coming out with a version. The answer was “next year” if at all. I’m not a patient man, so I started looking at other devices, and discovered the Droid 2.
It was love at first tweet. Considering that I seldom use my cell phone as a phone, the Droid’s internet and applications ability swept me off my fingers. I’ve been devoted ever since.
Now . . . I set my Droid to make a little spaceship noise whenever I got a new item, whether a text message or an email. I have a lot of Google alerts coming in so I can stay on top of the news and what’s out there to blog about. I discovered that the incessant chirping was getting on my nerves, and that a lot of it is junk email. Which brings me to all those annoying subscriptions. Every time we provide our email to Office Depot or Staples or Lighting Direct or Amazon, which is essentially every time we order anything online, we end up in their data mine. And data mines are made for data miners. Suddenly I was getting emails about all kinds of things, and it was not only cluttering my various inboxes, but pissing me off.
So the last few days I have been unsubscribing. It never seems to end, but it feels wonderful, like washing grime off me in a luxurious shower. Little bugs, that’s how all these subscriptions feel, like tiny little bugs on my legs and now that I’m taking time to pick them off I’m feeling cleaner and freer. I will no longer provide my email unless I absolutely have to, and the first time I get an email from them offering me deals on things I’ll never purchase, I’ll be sure to scroll immediately to the bottom and get rid of them as fast as I got them.]]> -
23 House Republicans continue DADT mischief
Day dreamin’ and I’m thinkin’ of you . . . Determined not to let history roll over them without a peep, 23 House Republicans have continued their futile shenanigans to halt the repeal of DADT, led by hottie-in-a-bad-way Duncan Hunter. The man’s not right in the head, as my mother would say. From the Washington Blade: A group of 23 Republican members of the U.S. House wrote President Obama on Thursday asking him to hold off on certification of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal until Congress can review the Defense Department’s policy changes that would lead to open service. “Given the necessity for congressional review, which has been limited to this point, we respectfully request that you refrain from transmitting certification until Congress has had sufficient time to review pending legislative matters of policy and law,” the letter states. Leading the group of U.S. House members who signed the letter is Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.), who amended pending defense budget legislation to expand the certification requirement needed for “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal and potentially disrupt the implementation of open service. Others among the 23 signers of the letter are Rep. Joe Wilson (R-S.C.), chair of the House Armed Services personnel subcommittee, as well as Reps. Steven Palazzo (R-Miss.), W. Todd Akin (R-Mo.) and Vicky Hartzler (R-Mo.). Under the repeal law signed in December, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” won’t be off the books until the president, the defense secretary and the chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff certify the U.S. military is ready for open service. Training has been underway in the armed forces since February to prepare the military for “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal. Pentagon officials have testified that certification for “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal could happen in mid-summer. Defense Secretary Robert Gates has said he’s open to issuing certification this month before his retirement if the service chiefs thinks moving forward is appropriate.
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UN Human Rights Council approves resolution against anti-LGBT violence
I wasn’t sure I’d see the day, given the prevalence and acceptance of anti-LGBT violence in so many other countries.
From the AP:
GENEVA (AP) — The U.N.’s main human rights forum has condemned for the first time discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.
The 47-member Human Rights Council voted 23 in favor and 19 against Friday, with 3 abstentions, for the resolution put forward by South Africa.
It establishes a panel to review discrimination of gays and lesbians around the world.]]> -
James Baldwin’s ‘Giovanni’s Room’ named #1 LGBT book by fellow authors
Asked to name the top 5 LGBT books of all time, a group of LGBT authors listed James Baldwin’s ‘Giovanni’s Room’ at the top of the list.
From the Good Men Project: . . . What’s the best gay book ever written? The work that appears on the most lists is James Baldwin’s Giovanni’s Room, which is set in Paris’ gay subculture in the middle of the 20th century and which writer Alexander Chee selected as one of his five titles. “It’s a searing, perfect novel,” he explained, “with few if any rivals for the way it brings us into the mind of a closeted young man fighting both to love and not to love his one great love, and the cost of this battle within him.” Other writers with books nominated multiple times include Jean Genet, Andrew Holleran, Alan Hollinghurst, Christopher Isherwood, Anne Carson, Herman Melville, Alice Walker, Virginia Woolf, Edmund White, Alison Bechdel, J.R. Ackerley, and Tony Kushner. Though author Michael Cunningham didn’t include Kushner’s play Angels in America among his five titles, he urged me to give it its due. “Although it is not prose or poetry, I can’t quite imagine a roundup of gay and lesbian literature that didn’t include it,” he wrote. “Angels in America is, to me, probably the seminal work to date about gay life (and so much of un-gay life at the same time).”
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LGBT car club to support veterans in Denver’s Pride parade
From Examiner.com: One of the great things about Denver, Colo. is the diversity you will find here. You will find various types of people with interest in various types of … oh, say, cars (this is the Classic Car Examiner page after all!). Part of being a diverse city is supporting others and one of most fun summer examples of that is the PrideFest parade that cruises down Colfax Avenue every June. This year the parade is special for two reasons: 1) It is Father’s Day, 2) The Center and parade sponsors are honoring veterans in this year’s parade. As part of that the Sunday Afternoon Car Klub, the Lambda Club International Denver Region Chapter, is driving the veterans in their wide and diverse array of classic and modern cars. If you haven’t heard of the Sunday Afternoon Car Klub then hold onto your hats because more information about the parade and the club are coming your way. The Sunday Afternoon Car Klub, affectionately referred to as S.A.C.K., has been a part of the Denver LGBT community for decades and provides a fun and enjoyable atmosphere for LGBT individuals and supports (yes, that means you don’t have to identify as one of the letters in LGBT — Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Transgendered) to enjoy everything about the automotive hobby.
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Column: AIDS – 30 years into a 'treatable disease'
By David Webb – The Rare Reporter
Three decades into the HIV/AIDS epidemic the future has never looked as promising for some who are infected with the virus and as bleak for others who will likely find themselves on the more unfortunate side of the spectrum of circumstances in the next decade.
For older LGBT people, the threat of contracting a new HIV infection could not be more frightening in terms of the dire consequences related to health and aging and the cost and availability of medical care.
Treatments for HIV infections have radically evolved since the early days when the side effects of medications such as AZT prolonged the lives of some HIV-infected individuals but often made them so sick they didn’t really care whether they lived or died. I witnessed several people choosing not to take the medications in earlier years because of how ill the side effects such as nausea and pain made them.
Now, HIV-infected people often appear to be living life as fully, if not more fully, than many HIV-negative people, thanks to the development of anti-retroviral drugs in the 1990s. Although their healthy appearances belie the massive, complicated regimens of multiple, often-changing medications to sustain them, there is no doubt HIV-infected people are living longer and feeling better.
Ongoing research by scientists around the world gives hope to the possibility there will someday be a vaccine to protect against HIV and possibly even eradicate it after infection. Just recently, it was reported that a man suffering from both leukemia and HIV who received a bone marrow stem cell transplant in Germany in 2007 is now HIV-negative. His bone marrow transplant reportedly came from a donor who was immune to HIV, an immunity that some scientists believe exists in about 1 percent of the Caucasian population.
The downside of all this is the enormous cost of HIV treatments when they eventually become available to the public. The bone marrow transplant treatment is incredibly painful, dangerous and expensive so its widespread use is unlikely.
Billions are already being spent on the delivery of anti-HIV drug cocktails, and those costs are expected to spiral in the next decade to astronomical amounts. At the same time, all of the major countries in the world are struggling to remain solvent during the worst financial crisis of more than a half-century. Regardless of what medical treatments become available, the majority of people may not be able to afford them. Millions of people in the U.S. are unemployed and uninsured for health problems they face. The states and the federal government have long provided health care and other resources for HIV/AIDS patients, but crashing budgets are already placing limits on those programs. And it’s only going to get worse as governments struggle to make ends meet. Insurance premiums are rising so quickly in tandem with the rising cost of health care that many companies are struggling to provide benefits for employees. A decade ago, it was common for companies to pay for 100 percent of employees’ health insurance policies, but now it is more common for employers to require 20 percent payments of premiums by employees. In addition to government cuts, the amounts of money HIV service organizations have been able to raise from the charitable public is almost certainly going to decrease as well. People just don’t have as much income to share with less fortunate people. For older Americans looking to retire and anticipating the end of their job-afforded health insurance, the availability of medical care through the federal Medicare program is going to be more problematic, as it will be for younger people contracting new HIV infections. And even if an older American has abundant financial resources to access whatever medical care is available, the truth is that the drug cocktails that have prolonged the lives of younger people just don’t work as well for anyone over 50, according to scientific studies. It’s hard to believe that the 30th anniversary of the HIV epidemic observed this month was accompanied by a United Nations report that 30 million people have died from the disease, and that 7,000 new infections occur globally every day. What’s more, a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention study was released earlier in the month reporting that LGBT students are more likely than heterosexual classmates to engage in risky behavior like alcohol and drug use, which presumably could lead to unprotected sexual activity. In the United States, it is estimated that 40,000 new infections occur every year, many times to people who are unaware they have been infected. So three decades into the HIV epidemic, we find ourselves pretty much where we were in the beginning back in 1981 when we realized it was likely a blood-borne, sexually-transmitted disease in most cases. No matter how rich someone is or how old they are, an HIV infection is unaffordable in every way imaginable. Prevention of an infection is still the best answer for everyone.]]> -
Portland, OR, approves transgender health benefits
I was in Portland once, when I was living briefly in Washington state. I saw a revival there of ‘The Boys in the Band’ over 30 years ago. Now the city has become the third local government in the nation to offer transgender health benefits to its employees. Good for Portland.
From Bay Windows:
The city of Portland has become the third local government in the nation to offer transgender health care benefits for its employees with a unanimous vote Wednesday, June 8 by city commissioners.
The vote also makes Oregon the only state with two jurisdictions offering the benefits. Portland is the seat of Multnomah County, which also provides similar benefits to its employees. San Francisco was the first and has been offering them for a decade, according to Jeana Frazzini, executive director of Basic Rights Oregon.
“The work of educating the community here in Oregon for more than two decades about gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people makes a difference,” Frazzini said Wednesday. “I think that’s significant.”]]> -
Rainbow Mountain gets new owners
If you’re a regular reader of MadeMark.net, you know one of my favorite travel spots is the fabulous Rainbow Mountain in the Poconos. Frank and I are headed there for another long weekend at the end of July. (See one of my videos on it here, and a posting here.)
Long time owner Angelo greeted us each time and gave us the key to room 102 – a special request from me because it has a painting above the bed that my mother had in her piano teaching room (a woman in a red dress sitting at a black grand piano). I discovered last week when I was following up on our plans that there are new owners. I don’t know if I’ve met Rich and Ray there, but they’ve bought the place and have been going there since 1985. I’m looking forward to saying hello in late July.]]> -
Boston LGBT seniors featured in Google "It Gets Better" commercial
By now you’ve probably seen the Google commercial for its Chrome browser that features the “Its Gets Better Project,” started by Dan Savage and his partner Terry to combat bullying. I was an early contributor, and since then it’s become quite a phenomenon.
Among those featured in the Google ad are two men from a group of Boston LGBT seniors.
From Bay Windows/Golden Rainbow Times:
Google launched a ground-breaking ad about gay suicides on primetime television during FOX TV’s “Glee” last month. The commercial for Google Chrome highlights the social movement that grew out of Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” video on YouTube. The ninety-second spot beautifully captures the surge of emotions that came with the wave of suicides by gay youth last fall. Building in intensity, the commercial highlights how Savage’s video inspired thousands of people all over the world to put out their messages to gay youth urging them to hold on because “it gets better.” Since the “It Gets Better” project launched countless celebrities, athletes, politicians and artists added their own video messages including President Obama, Hilary Clinton, Lady Gaga and cast members from “Jersey Shore.”
Bob Linscott, Assistant Director of The LGBT Aging Project in Boston was touched by this movement but feared that there was an absence of gay elders in the videos. “The one generation that can truly attest that it does get better wasn’t represented,” Linscott said, “Gay elders faced seemingly insurmountable discrimination and harassment decades ago and thankfully survived. Those stories needed to be included in this project too.” So Linscott took the matter into his own hands and shot and edited his own video “It Gets Better: Wisdom From Our Gay Elders,” which he added to the thousands of videos uploaded on YouTube. The video features poignant and funny stories from a number of Boston area LGBT seniors, two of whom speak about times they attempted suicide.
In March the LGBT Aging Project was contacted by an agency working with Google on the “It Gets Better” commercial. They had seen Linscott’s video and wanted to use it in for the project. Linscott and Lisa Krinksy, LGBT Aging Project’s Director had to sign a non-disclosure agreement and were not able to let anyone know about the commercial until it aired on FOX TV. The commercial will now run at various times on multiple networks and it can be viewed online.
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