Kapok Aging and Caregiver Resources: Coping with the Role Reversal when Caring for Aging Parents
By Angelica Herrera Venson, DrPH, MPH
The following excerpt is reprinted with permission from Kapok Aging and Caregiver Resources.
The term role reversal often comes up when talking about caregiving. It’s a logical idea, right? Suddenly you’re the one telling your parents what they need to do, trying to cajole them into a doctor’s visit, or even helping them out in the bathroom.
How do you cope with this role reversal when caring for aging parents?
There are plenty of approaches that you can take to support yourself as a caregiver, including self-compassion techniques and learning to set boundaries.
But, there’s something even more critical to talk about.
To put it simply – caregiving isn’t a role reversal.
Sure, the situation can feel like a role reversal at times, like when you’re trying to prevent yet another incontinence accident. Yet, there are also some clear differences, ones that need to considered.
Why There Isn’t Really a Role Reversal When Caring for Aging Parents
Your Legal Responsibility Isn’t the Same
When children are young, you have certain legal responsibilities. It’s your job to meet their basic needs, to make sure they’re educated, and to address any medical concerns.
Most of the time, the same isn’t true with aging parents.
Unless they’re legally in your care, you’re not responsible for their needs. You might still choose to support them, but this is choice rather than obligation (a distinction that changes the dynamic considerably).
Also, you may not have the legal right to make decisions for them. Most seniors are considered mentally competent enough to make their own decisions. That includes bad decisions and ones you don’t agree with.
Angelica Herrera VensonAngelica Herrera Venson, DrPH, MPH is a gerontologist born in San Diego and raised on both sides of the U.S-Mexico border. She’s a public health advocate who has spent two decades in community health work and research investigating how immigrant and racial /ethnic minority family caregivers and seniors navigate old age and seek out health and elder care. Today, Angelica supports some of Arizona’s community health centers, which serve primarily Medicaid and underserved communities, in their transition to value-based care.
About Multicultural Guide to Caregiving
Author and gerontologist, Angelica P. Herrera Venson, DrPH, opens up and shares her family’s personal stories and lessons from her field work and research on aging and caregiving with communities of color and first generation Americans.