Grace Anne Stevens: My Transgender Life – Hi! I’m the Bride’s Dad

By Grace Anne Stevens

It all seemed to be happening so quickly.  It was only about a year ago, that my oldest son told me that my daughter, Stella, had visited him with her new boyfriend, Rob.

This was a first-time event for the family, that has already worked through not only the split up of their parents in 2001 and my own transition in 2011.  Given that Stella is 38, and we had not experienced this with her before, none of us was quite sure what to make of it.

I got to meet Rob last summer and was pleasantly surprised last Thanksgiving when this kind of old school young fella, started asking everyone in the family – one at a time, and secretly – that he was “thinking about marrying her, and was seeking permission from each of us.”    Do people actually do this anymore?

He proposed on Christmas while they were out cross-country skiing, and this past weekend I found myself driving up to Vermont for the crunchiest of an outdoor, crunchy granola wedding.

Now for those who know me, I am a pretty public trans person, with all my writing and speaking, but as I pulled in to the Trailside Inn, I still wanted to find Stella quickly to be sure it was OK how I introduce myself to many of the people I did not know.  After all, I am the bride’s dad!

I quickly found her, and asked, and her nonchalant response was, “sure, everyone knows!”

“Cool,” I thought, and then another thought popped in, “This is going to be fun!”

…

As the warm summery Friday afternoon morphed into early evening, the mobile brick oven pizza truck arrived.  This was not going to be the standard, night before the wedding where all sorts of peeps who do not know each other go to a restaurant in some strange town and might meet a few of the other attendees. No not at all!  There was a campfire, whiffle ball, bocce and other lawn games with fresh pizza right out of the oven that made mingling mandatory.

I grabbed a slice of pizza and sat down next to an older guy, and learned he was an old family friend of the groom’s dad, and also was a teacher of the groom and his friends.  When it was my turn, I smiled and did it.

“I am the bride’s dad,” I said smiling.

He thought for a second and looked at me and said. “I get it!”  Then he added, “That explains why I saw two women’s names on the invitation.   Can I ask you how you had Stella?”

I laughed, and said, “Well, I was not a woman back then.”

He thought another second and once again said,

“Oh!  Now I get it!”

We both laughed and then had a great conversation.

A little later, the groom’s dad came over – it was the first time we met, and he said he was so glad to meet me as he had heard a lot about me.  He actually said, “I heard the legends!”

For me to be speechless take a lot, but my jaw actually dropped on this comment.   I started to feel like I was a character in those old Warner Brothers TV westerns….  The Life and Legend of Grace Stevens.    Quickly back to reality, and the weekend was so much fun, with no issues at all, and great conversations.

My youngest son had a conversation with one of my daughter’s co-workers, who asked to introduce him to her parents.  My son pointed out mom, and then pointed to me and said there is Grace.   Stella’s friend stopped and excitedly said,

“Oh, Grace, I know all about her.  I read a copy of her book that I borrowed from Stella, and I know all about you too.  Maybe I should give the book back to her?”

I must admit that felt a bit weird to hear, but maybe that is how legends start, eh?

…

I know I am one of the lucky ones in that I have not lost anyone in my family when I transitioned.   The hardest part on my own decision was asking myself what I would do if my kids abandoned me.  It took me a long time to accept that if that occurred it would be part of their own authentic journey.  It would suck for sure, but it could not hold me back from living my truth.

As it turned out, I am pretty sure that my transition gave each of my kids an inspiration to follow their own paths and live their truth.

My kids mostly call me Grace, and still call me dad.  I would not have it any other way.   As I teach there is no one way to be transgender. There is no right way to be transgender.

…

The wedding weekend was spent mostly outdoors and was as easy going, natural and as much fun as there could be.

The couple wrote their own vows, which ended for both to promise to be fully clothed when they leave the house.   That’s entirely another story, but surely represents them living their truth.

After all, what more could a father ask? 

…

Grace Anne Stevens inspires people to find their truth and live their authentic life! She is the author of No! Maybe? Yes! Living My Truth, and Musings on Living Authentically. Grace is available for speaking to all groups who would like to learn the values of, and how to live authentically.   

Grace’s new book, Handbooks for Humans, Volume 1 will be coming out soon. 

Grace was selected as an Amtrak Residency Writer for 2016; you can share her experiences on the rails on her website  https://www.liveurtruth.net/amtrak-blogs.html. 

 She was also selected as Person of the Year (2017) by New England Pride TV.

Visit her website at: https://www.liveurtruth.net/