Mark's Cafe Moi: An evolution on marriage (and I don’t mean Obama’s)

It’s Friday, June 24, and we are still waiting for the New York Senate, specifically the Republicans in control, to determine if and when they will bring the marriage equality bill to a vote. To my mind, and to the minds of many Americans, this is a very simple matter. The only people wringing their hands over completely unnecessary “religious exemptions” are those who will use this to kill the bill, to vote against the bill, or to stall the bill, as has been done for over a week now. My own perspective on marriage has changed over the last seven years or so. I was originally opposed to the push for marriage rights because I saw it as a property issue, a privilege that poor lgbt people were unassisted by. You can still hear this from some queer activists and trans activists and far-leftists who think marriage is bourgeois. I thought there were more important things, especially for low-income and poor lgbt people. Things like universal healthcare, housing, and jobs. But then I began to realize that the very protections that are part of the marriage package could do a great deal for couples at all income levels. I hate it that I worry when Frank and I travel to one of the many states where one of us could be denied access to the other in the event of an emergency. We are strangers under the law in most states, and as I age this becomes ever more important to me. I hate it that if I die he will have to pay taxes on my estate. I hate it that when I check the “married” box I am not just being rebellious, but committing perjury. And I can’t check it on federal forms anyway, since our relationship is not recognized by the federal government. My view on marriage has evolved. Ultimately, if a marriage license came with no special rights and privileges I would say it doesn’t matter, but that’s not the world we live in. Choosing not to marry is a valid and equal choice, but not being able to marry is a violation. I’m tired of being violated. If New York passes this bill we will get married. And when DOMA is overturned we may just go to Greenwich, since the federal rights are where the legal goodies really are. But one way or another, some day, I’ll get married just because I finally can.]]>